In December 2018 I was utterly and truly gobsmacked to win in the “Corporate STEM Leader” category in the Forward Ladies national awards. The award was presented in the impressive Leeds Armories, at an amazing event full of inspirational women and their supporters.
Forward Ladies is a networking organisation dedicated to providing opportunities for women to meet, learn and inspire each other. The owner and CEO is the most amazing Griselda Tobogo, who’s life story is worthy of a screen play all in itself.
The prize was awarded after a rigorous nomination and interview process, which took place over a period of roughly 6 months. The first I heard of it was an ‘congratulations you’re up for an award’ email that I almost dismissed as SPAM. This was until one of the 2 people who nominated me, Niki Dow, emailed me soon after to wish me congratulations and to ask if I was going to complete my application. Niki is herself an amazing and inspirational leader at Arm and so I was already slightly taken aback. The other person who nominated me was Fred Piry, who is a Director at one of Arm’s design centres in France. He had seen some of my various internal presentations on the topic of D&I and felt it was worthy or recognition. Again, totally flabbergasted.
After filling in the lengthy application (which if you have a serious imposter syndrome problem like myself, was a tough ask), I clicked ‘send’ and thought nothing more of it. Several months later I was asked to join one the regional events, to meet the other nominees in my category and to have a panel-style interview with representatives the main sponsor, Barclays bank. On the interview panel was also Emma McGuigan of Accenture.
After answering the panel’s questions as honestly as I could, though with my usual injection of passion, I left Birmingham and again, thought nothing more. A further wee while later and to my eternal surprise, I was told I had made it into the final 6 and as such, invited to the main awards evening event in Leeds.
It was a suitably glitzy affair, with some nominees inviting family and colleagues, something I hadn’t even given a moments thought about until that point. However I found myself standing at the entrance to the main hall, knowing only the odd person I’d met at the Birmingham event, wishing I had made an effort to invite someone. Though I still thought at this point there was no way I’d win, so I was also grateful, or so I thought, that no one was going to see the look of disappointment on my face when the final winner’s name was called out.
Ha, joke on me eh? This one is probably the best examples of imposter syndrome ever. In the little gift bag left on our chairs was the evening’s program of events, including photos of the nominees in each category next to each person’s bio. As one would, I spent a few minutes waiting for the others at my table to take their seats, reading the other bios in my category. Wow, “she’s amazing” I thought, as I read each one in turn, mentally picking the one who I thought was going to win, based on their bio. I was also already preparing myself for the loser’s “disappointed but happy for the winner” face you see at the Oscars.
I actually think I did fall off my chair in surprise, frozen for a second in time as my name was read out. The silence was finally broken by the deafening clapping and the really, really weird thing was that I had noticed one of the other nominees at a nearby table earlier in the evening and so as I got up, I turned to see on her face ‘the Oscars look’.
All Things Bright and Beautiful... 